Our first day with the toddler boys began with “circle time” i.e. light therapy sessions. Feeling self-conscious and inadequate, all I could do was sit in the circle and watch. One exercise was just to get each kid to recognize his own name – which came in the form of a song and everybody pointing at the respective kid when his name was sung.
It was a great intro for us as well. Their names all begin with Yang Heng, followed by a given name. Yang Heng Bei, fondly called Bei Bei, has Cerebral Palsy. He can’t stand. He can’t talk. But his smile can light up anyone’s day.
Yang Heng Dun – yes, called Dun Dun – has an attention span of about 5 seconds. He can be quite the rascal but he too has smile that cheers you up. He walked cautiously up to me and smiled. When I smiled back, he beamed further and sat on my lap. 3 seconds later, he got up and moved to Derek and Kenneth, then to the caregivers. Then he walked round the room, handing out a toy and taking it away right after we accept it.
We moved to the next room for another “circle time”. After that, it was basically free time. Yup, that was the moment I was kind of dreading – alone time with the kids. What to say? What to do? A little boy walked up and grabbed my hand. It was Fei Fei. He pulled me towards the door – indicating that he wanted a walk. I held his hand and led him down the walkway towards the garden.
At the garden, I walked around for awhile, unsure if I’m supposed to do anything else. Casually, I prayed, “God, I don’t know what to do.” I felt something in me quietly say, “You don’t always have to know what to do.” At that, I stopped trying to figure out what Fei Fei wanted and just left it to God.
Fei Fei knew what he wanted though. He ambled towards a big swing and climbed on (the swing was bolted so it was more like two benches facing each other). Once on the swing, he just leaned back and looked completely contented. He tensed up every now and then, clenching his fists and grinding his teeth. But he didn’t seem too perturbed.
I began praying for him and speaking into this little life. And then started singing “Jesus Loves You this I know” to him. All this while, he never once looked at me. After singing a few times, I just looked at him and said, “Jesus loves you”. That’s when, for the first time, he looked me in the eye.
Coincidence or not, it was a reminder that praying for them was the best thing we could do. The next best thing was to just be there, giving them some much-desired one-to-one time because the caregivers have so much to do.
I spent time with two other kids the rest of the day. I took Dun Dun for a walk (or rather he took me for a walk). Some of the ICC staff were stern with him and I realized this guy was quite the trickster. He acted tired so that I’d carry him. But when Karen saw us, she advised to put him down. As we walked down the stairs, she stood and watched him, hands on her hips. He just kept looking sheepishly at her. Hah! Me da sucker.
Later in the afternoon, I took Wei Wei for a walk. He’s adorable and always wants much TLC. The caregiver said he had his spot in the garden. I only needed to take him to the pergola in the middle of the garden and let him stand by a circular concrete bench. He got excited as we neared to pergola – walking faster than he could and stumbling almost every step. The moment he reached his spot, settled down in a blink and was a picture of tranquility. I’ve never seen a kid stay so quiet for so long.
I’m always reminded that it’s not about me. Today, the kids taught me that this also means to stop looking to me for solutions. They know themselves better than I do. And God knows them better than they know themselves.
It was a great intro for us as well. Their names all begin with Yang Heng, followed by a given name. Yang Heng Bei, fondly called Bei Bei, has Cerebral Palsy. He can’t stand. He can’t talk. But his smile can light up anyone’s day.
Yang Heng Dun – yes, called Dun Dun – has an attention span of about 5 seconds. He can be quite the rascal but he too has smile that cheers you up. He walked cautiously up to me and smiled. When I smiled back, he beamed further and sat on my lap. 3 seconds later, he got up and moved to Derek and Kenneth, then to the caregivers. Then he walked round the room, handing out a toy and taking it away right after we accept it.
We moved to the next room for another “circle time”. After that, it was basically free time. Yup, that was the moment I was kind of dreading – alone time with the kids. What to say? What to do? A little boy walked up and grabbed my hand. It was Fei Fei. He pulled me towards the door – indicating that he wanted a walk. I held his hand and led him down the walkway towards the garden.
At the garden, I walked around for awhile, unsure if I’m supposed to do anything else. Casually, I prayed, “God, I don’t know what to do.” I felt something in me quietly say, “You don’t always have to know what to do.” At that, I stopped trying to figure out what Fei Fei wanted and just left it to God.
Fei Fei knew what he wanted though. He ambled towards a big swing and climbed on (the swing was bolted so it was more like two benches facing each other). Once on the swing, he just leaned back and looked completely contented. He tensed up every now and then, clenching his fists and grinding his teeth. But he didn’t seem too perturbed.
I began praying for him and speaking into this little life. And then started singing “Jesus Loves You this I know” to him. All this while, he never once looked at me. After singing a few times, I just looked at him and said, “Jesus loves you”. That’s when, for the first time, he looked me in the eye.
Coincidence or not, it was a reminder that praying for them was the best thing we could do. The next best thing was to just be there, giving them some much-desired one-to-one time because the caregivers have so much to do.
I spent time with two other kids the rest of the day. I took Dun Dun for a walk (or rather he took me for a walk). Some of the ICC staff were stern with him and I realized this guy was quite the trickster. He acted tired so that I’d carry him. But when Karen saw us, she advised to put him down. As we walked down the stairs, she stood and watched him, hands on her hips. He just kept looking sheepishly at her. Hah! Me da sucker.
Later in the afternoon, I took Wei Wei for a walk. He’s adorable and always wants much TLC. The caregiver said he had his spot in the garden. I only needed to take him to the pergola in the middle of the garden and let him stand by a circular concrete bench. He got excited as we neared to pergola – walking faster than he could and stumbling almost every step. The moment he reached his spot, settled down in a blink and was a picture of tranquility. I’ve never seen a kid stay so quiet for so long.
I’m always reminded that it’s not about me. Today, the kids taught me that this also means to stop looking to me for solutions. They know themselves better than I do. And God knows them better than they know themselves.
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